Dear Mitch Albom,

We don't need your help, buddy. Yes, Blue is off the map, but that doesn't mean we're moving our campus to Southfield so you can lick our taints and pretend we're all one big happy state. Now, why don't you go write another book about Dugan Fife and stay off our jock, ass.

Love,
Me

P.S. "Now, even though you resort, inevitably, to tired Detroit insults about crime, cars and octopi, I will resist resorting to lines about toothless, barefoot men and their farm animals."

Hey, Mitch ... MSU is the "cow college," remember? Douche.