Thursday, May 03, 2007

Spider-Man 3

Reasons why Spider-Man 3 will not be good.

1) Too many villains. The Bane of all bad superhero movies (and a few of the good ones.) Have you seen the Batman franchise? If your villain can't support a movie by himself, find a new villian.

2) One of those villains is played by Topher Grace. Just because you screwed up by not picking him to play your lead seven years ago, don't compound your mistake by miscasting him in this one.

3) One of those villains is made out of sand. Batman has gone ten deep already and Clayface is still on the bench. What does that tell you?

4) It took me a long time to figure out why bloggers kept calling Kirsten Dunst "Snaggletooth." Then I realized that she has a snaggletooth. Now I can't look at her without thinking about it. Oh, and the "Go get 'em, Tiger" was just awful.

5) This picture right here.

See, the reflection symbolizes the character's inner conflict. I know this because I took the same film classes at Michigan State that Sam Raimi did.

6) The lead character is basically a fucking cartoon. What hath CGI wrought?

Rating: 6.4 It won't be awful ... but it won't be great either. Even though it could have been. Which is the real shame


Anonymous said...

Dash wrote: I know this because I took the same film classes at Michigan State that Sam Raimi did.

Maybe so, dear lad, but if you played with "Transformers" as a wee child it must have been 15 years later than when Sammy was there and by that time Jim Cash was dead. And didn't MSU change from ten-week trimesters to 15-week semesters in the early '90s? Same class names in the same venue, but not the same classes! I rode in a car across that famous bridge in Chappaquiddick once, but that doesn't make me Mary Jo Kopechne (as much as you may hope).

Ms. W.

6/04/2007 12:37 PM  
Dashiell said...

You got me. I did not literally sit in the same classroom with the same teachers and watch the same movies with Sam Raimi.

The truth is that he took the 9:10 session, while I slept in and went to the 10:20. Sorry for my deceit. Idiot.

6/04/2007 1:22 PM  

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