Top Five Ladies: Acting Division

A follow up to the last post: A few weeks ago I was having a conversation. I don't remember specifically what we were talking about, but my friend Big Mike said, "Yeah, but who really goes to movies because of the actors? I mean, would you pay to see a movie just because a certain actor was in it?"

"Yes," I said, without any hesitation. "If it was Natalie Portman."

He looked surprised, but I stood my ground. I would pay to see any movie, without knowing anything about it — hell, even if I knew everything about and I knew I would hate it — simply because Natalie was it. In fact, I have seen every movie she's been in, including a few that didn't interest me all, other than for her presence. I mean, look at her. It doesn't hurt that she's actually a pretty good actress to boot. That's the power of stardom.

It reminded me of a list I drew up a long time ago that never made it onto the blog. It was a list of my favorite actors and actresses, with the criteria for ranking being: If their movies were playing side-by-side at a cineplex and I had to choose between them — knowing nothing else about the movies other than that one member the cast — which would I choose? Who are the players that have that kind of pull over me? Well, here's your answer, starting with the Top 5 Actresses. (I'll name my favorite dudes in another post.)

Number 1: Natalie Portman. Beautiful, talented, accomplished, and by all accounts, a decent person in real life. Considering that she's been a Hollywood star since age 12, that's pretty remarkable.

First Movie I Saw Her In: The Professional. Possibly Heat. The point is ... I've been a fan since the beginning, and you're all posers. I'm the one who truly understands her!

Movie That Really Won Me Over: Star Wars: Episode II – Attack Of The Clones. I know ... probably her worst performance ever. Until the next one. But that was the movie were she went from "cute girl" to "sexy woman" to "my future bride."

Favorite Performance: Beautiful Girls, of course, is an all-time classic (her role, not the movie) but I think she outdid herself with the strip club scene in Closer. I mean ... damn.

Number 2: Julia Stiles. She really challenges the system, because I actually have seen every movie she's been in (even that ridiculous 60's mini-series on NBC) and I've enjoyed almost of none of them. So why see them all? I don't know. I can't explain my Julia fixation. I think she has some skill, and has been very solid in smaller roles. But the movies where she was asked to take the lead have been universally disappointing and, occasionally, downright awful.

Movie That Got My Attention: State And Main. One of the small but memorable roles. Maybe she's best suited to character acting in ensemble pieces like this one. I don't know. I still think she could be a legitimate star, but she's needs to pick better movies.

Favorite Performance: Wicked. Best movie about incest ever. If you're a fan of somewhat unintentional comedy (and low budget, direct-to-video thrillers) Netflix this bitch and thank me later.

Worst Movie That I Saw Simply Because She Was In It And Deeply Regretted: Down To You. Oh, God. Just a horrible, horrible movie. It was like the proverb about the guy who knows what parts makes up a chicken, but has never actually seen a chicken, so he doesn't know how to put one together. (That's a proverb, right?)

Number 3: The Next Julia Roberts. Rachel McAdams is a Movie Star, in all the best senses of the term. I didn't catch The Notebook, but on more than one occasion this fall, I actually considered going to see The Family Stone. I think that says something. A bona fide actress with looks, personality, and great range. The sky's the limit with her.

First Thing I Saw Her In: Mean Girls. When I first saw this, I thought that Rachel wasn't hot enough to be the most popular girl in school and this movie was taking Lindsay straight to the top. What a reversal, huh? Watch it again, and see how Rachel owns this film.

Movie That Won Me Over: Red Eye. This is the movie where she does what Natalie and Julia have not: She carries a great film by herself. The entire movie hinges on her giving a convincing performance, and she nailed it.

Number 4: Kate Winslet. There was a time not long ago when Kate would have been number one. How do I love Kate? A) Sexy British accent. B) We were born ten days apart. C) Not afraid of full frontal nudity. D) Probably the best natural actress under 35. She really knows her stuff. Her movies tend to be really weird or really boring, but she is always tremendous.

First Movie I Saw Her In: Probably as Ophelia in Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet. She was just born to wear corsets.

Movie That Might Have Saved A Career That Seemed To Be Slipping: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I really was worried about her, because she slowed down a bit after having a kid, getting divorced, getting married to a hack, and then having another kid. But she's still got it, we just don't see it as often as I'd like.

Number 5: The Original Julia Roberts. Let's face it, she's The Queen. Since Pretty Woman came out in 1990, who has been bigger? Who's movies have been more successful? Sure, a few of them have been clunkers, but you know that if she's in the movie, she's going to give a good show. In real life, she can be a bit grating. She has this arrogance-slash-confidence that is really annoying-slash-charming. But as the true test of this list, would anyone have seen My Best Friend's Wedding, Notting Hill, Runaway Bride, or Stepmom if she hadn't been in them?

First Thing I Remember Her In: Steel Magnolias. Yeah, that's right. I saw it. You wanna make something of it?

Movie I Am More Ashamed To Say I Paid To See In A Theater: I Love Trouble. Mitigating circumstances: I was 17 and on a date with a very nice girl. A little too nice.

Most Overrated Performance: Erin Brockovich. Most Underrated: The Pelican Brief. Still, my favorite Juila movie. And the only Grishman movie that makes sense.

Honorable Mention: Zooey Deschanel (No. 6 with a bullet), Julianne Moore (great actress, bad movies), Maggie Gyllenhaal (a little weird, but I like it), Jennifer Aniston (one big role away), Nicole Kidman (too white), Angelina Jolie (too scary), Scarlett Johansson (too slutty.)

On Probation: Drew Barrymore (what happened?)

Disqualified: Jennifer Garner, Lindsay Lohan

So who would you pay to see?