Six Questions For ... Jon Collins

Obviously, I'm awesome. But I'm not so awesome that I can't recognize awesomeness in others. I mean, yes, I've been asked to come to New York and blow the entire city's mind, but I won't be the only one bringing the pain on the P.S. 122 stage, September 27, checkyourlocallistings.

So in an effort to get know my fellow ass-kickers, I've started a new feature on The Precog Blog. Six highly personalized and painfully incisive questions scientifically engineered to reveal the true self of anyone brave enough to look into the deepest recesses of their heart and lay the soul bare with honest answers. No one hides from my gaze.

Without further ado, I give you my heart-wrenching interview with graduate student extraordinaire and fabulous jackass, Mr. Jon Collins.

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1) So you're a gay man living in New York City and you're studying Design for Stage and Screen. Couldn't you be any more original than that?

Why yes, Dashiell, I could. I was actually a computer science major in undergrad who discovered set design as a freshman while desperately trying to please his programmer father and so pursued this as a hobby until the tech bust, when entry level programming jobs were being taken by nasty, slighted, laid-off 40 year old pros. This was coincidentally right after 9/11, when I moved to the city following my law school-going fiancé. (Just thought I'd mention that we can't get married until it's legal.) Anyway, I ran into a really fabulous set designer, Christine Jones, who deigned to give me an internship. This internship sealed the deal, and I eventually became a full-fledged assistant for her. She's why I'm here, why I'm working, and why I'm doing what I love. I owe her everything my hard core work ethic alone couldn't give me. I have no interest in costume or (as anyone who's met me can tell you) fashion. Pure scenery geek here.

2) Have you come out to your parents? Not about being gay. About having a blog.

Absolutely not. Though I did have great fear strike my heart when I saw a hit from her employer's domain the very same day I had written a post that used the word "cunt" about 30 times. This was much more breathtaking than when she was driving me back to college, Thanksgiving 1998 (with Matthew Shepard on everyone's mind) when I decided I'd tell her I was gay before the 199 exit. She handled it like a pro and said that she kinda suspected I was gay when I took a liking to the "Guys and Dolls" broadway revival cast recording (which is excellent) and said that I should be careful about hate crimes. I said I was ok and that I was happy in a relationship but then a month later my boyfriend gave me crabs and gonorrhea and dumped me over ICQ, which was a pretty spectacular hate crime in my book. My father found out I was gay by reading email I was sending to a gay pen pal when I was in high school. This was pretty traumatizing, but I got over it by watching Star Trek and Wonder Woman.

3) Your doctor recently told you to eat less dairy. (Mine did too.) Why do doctors get paid so much money when they obviously don't know what they're talking about?

Since my sister is a doctor, I really should say that, you know, doctors know what they're doing. I doubt I will because although I do love my sister, I'm very disappointed that she left me and got married to a man - who's also a doctor - and bought a house. I mean, can't she have at least been a bohemian and gotten crabs and gonorrhea from a rock musician/caterer? I mean, really, that's what New York is all about, right?

4) What's your favorite restaurant in New York City? What's your favorite restaurant that isn't in NYC?

My favorite restaurant in New York City is "nyc", which changed its name to "75 Greenwich", which then closed and turned into a BBQ joint. Of course it's not really BBQ. North Eastern schmucks think that barbecue sauce smeared on anything is BBQ, but it isn't. If it's not pulled and sloppier than a drunk sorority girl without panties, it's not BBQ. It's just a serious case of alcohol poisoning and Plan B wrappers. They had a terrific brunch, hot hot waiters and a real cute kitschy aesthetic.

My favorite restaurant not in NYC would have to be Kelly's Tavern in Norfolk, Virginia, because they have the best New England clam chowder I've ever had and because of all the hot gays walking by on their way to the Wave.

5) Can you imagine any scenario in which you would own and wear a Neighborhoodie?

Yes. If it said (front) "I'm a big homo from the upper west side" (back) "so if your au pair doesn't move that fucking double-wide stroller, I'll eat your twins for brunch." But since I don't live on the Upper West Side anymore (I moved to upper upper upper upper Chelsea on 181st street) it's really a non-issue.

6) This is will be your second WYSIWYG reading. What's the best advice you can give to the fresh meat? (Bonus points if you answer without using any variation on the word "newbie.")

Much like an audition, the audience wants you to succeed, be funny, be brilliant and enjoy it. They don't want you to fail so they can make rude noises and ironic comments (or, from the gays, backhanded compliments). They're rooting for you. So, have fun, show up drunk, and own it, baby!