Six Questions For ... Carolyn Castiglia

What is colostrum? Don't ask Carolyn Castiglia, because she knows and is not afraid to tell you about it. This Undiscovered Superstar is a comedian, actress, double-barrelled blogger, and copy machine goddess. She is also dangerously pregnant and apparently leaking fluids like a '72 Nova.

So if you like epidural drips and women in stirrups, than I highly suggest that you come to the next WYSIWYG Talent Show, where you can see Carolyn —and quite possibly her first child — reading about awful roommates. I hear Adriana has a great bit about Carolyn's pancreas.

In the meantime, read my patented* six question interview with Momma. See, I didn't forget about the ladies.

*patent pending

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1) First of all — and please be honest — how excited are you to be working with me on September 27?

Well, if I'm being totally honest, at this point I'm just psyched about the prospect of working on September 27, since my due date is October 9. This may be the first WYSIWYG ever to take place at Columbia Presbyterian, but I think that's a good move for the show. I mean, P.S. 122 is great and all, but do they serve paper cups of Jell-o? No.

2) You are approximately 14 months pregnant. Are you planning to actually give birth during your performance, and if so, can I go on before you? I really don't think I can follow that.

I am actually 23 months pregnant. For some reason, I was born with the reproductive system of an elephant. I have been asked by Chris (Hampton — the Curator) to give birth on stage and am willing to do so as long as Andy (Horwitz — Producer, and father of my child) cuts the cord with his teeth. It goes without saying that this will all be documented on video by Dan (Rhatigan - Designer, of both the WYSIWYG site and my baby's first clothing line) and live-blogged by Rachel Kramer Bussel.

3) Everyone has a blog, including your daughter-to-be. Do you want her to grow up bitter and alone or are you just trying to get a jump start on that book deal?

"Bitter and alone" and "book deal" go hand in hand, n'est-ce pas? No, I started the baby blog because I want my daughter to have something to look back on when she's older. I think she'll really appreciate it. She'll be able to say to her friends, "See?! I told you my mother was a lunatic!" and have proof.

4) What's your favorite comeback for hecklers?

I don't know because I don't really get heckled. Seeing a pregnant woman wrap herself stripper-like around a mic stand while talking about raising her baby on top of a blender is the kind of thing that makes people shut-up and listen.

5) When you and the old man want to "get away" for a day, but can only roam as far as the MTA will take you, where do you go?

To sleep. We used to be so much better about getting out and doing stuff. We used to go to museums, the Cloisters, the park. Now my bed is to a trip to Hawaii as a foot rub is to an orgasm — good enough!

6) Finally, if Heaven exists, what do you want James Lipton to say to you while you wait for your pizza to be delivered?

"What is your favorite curse word?" Then I can tell him exactly where to go. I don't want that fat, bearded, faux-British-accent bitch tryin' to steal my pizza! I didn't work hard to make it to heaven so I could share.